Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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