I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
