using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
