i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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