A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
