I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
