Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
