I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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