if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
