its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
