I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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