Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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