I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
