Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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