I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
