The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
