so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
