i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
