and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
