In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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