How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Randomize
