Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
