so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
