Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm always down for nudity.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
