Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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