bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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