after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
