if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
