this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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