some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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