Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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