mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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