i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
