Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
