Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
