You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
