she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
