Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
