i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
