so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
