never play flip cup with pint glasses
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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