bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
