You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
