i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I'm always down for nudity.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
