the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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