I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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