Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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