Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
