you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
