i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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