Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
