when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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