butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
