I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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