Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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